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| Sunday Funnies | Sunday Funnies | Sunday Funnies | Sunday Funnies | Sunday Funnies |
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"All right, what is your age?" "I'm 22, sir." "And the age of the bride?" "She's 15, sir." "15??? That's too young -- marrying you would be against the law!" "I see, " said the young man. "Could you try explaining that to the fella next to her with the shotgun?" ===========================================================
Young guy says, "Hey, how about a round of golf"? "Nah," the older fellow replies. "Tried it once, didn't like it." "Well, how about a swim? It'll be more refreshing than your iced tea there." "Nah," the older fellow responds. "Tried it once, didn't like it." "Young guy says, "Well, how about a game of tennis"? "Nah, tried it once and didn't like it. But my son will be here soon. He's usually up for a game or two." Young guy replies, "Your only child, I presume"? ===========================================================
Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me? ============================================================ | |
| A bachelor is a cagey guy and has a load of fun; he sizes all the cuties up and never Mrs. One. ================
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An actual answering machine answer recorded and verified by the world famous International Institute
of Answering Machine Answers. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. ============================================================
"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued, but at that moment my very little daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?" ============================================================
“But, sergeant, all circles have 360 degrees,” called out a conscript. “Don’t be stupid,” the sergeant roared. “This is a small circle.” ============================================================
When the landlord asked if it bothered him, he replied, “Not really, for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway.”
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Are you old enough to remember the Burma Shave signs beside the road? Here's the message told by one group of them. | |
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Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark:
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"Advice from a Caring and Understanding Husband"Dear Husbands:
Please be aware that as your wives age, it is harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there is nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.My name is Ricky. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Lucy.
When I was laid off from my consulting job and took early retirement in April, it became necessary for Lucy to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health insurance benefits we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.
I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work, and although she knows how hungry I am, she rests an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home- cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. I really think my old business as a consultant helps a lot. (Telling people what they ought to do is one of my strong points!)
Continued below:
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MAXINE What is  up to this week?
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More "Advice from a Caring and Understanding Husband"Also, now that she has gotten older, she does seem to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement, and sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this, just as long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening. I'm willing to overlook her shortcomings in this area. Unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to the Wednesday and Saturday poker club, or to Tuesday's and Thursday's bowling, I'll tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing.
This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting. If I had a really bad day on the course and it was wet and muddy, and my clubs are a mess, I let her clean them, you know, getting the grit off the grips and a little light Brillo on the club faces. Since my golf bag is heavy, I lift it out of the trunk for her. Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can't lift heavy stuff as good as men.
But I had to tell her that I don't like to be wakened during my after- golf nap, so rather than bother me, she can put them back in the trunk when she's finished. Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of fresh squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too, then take her break by my hammock. That way we can talk until I fall asleep.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Lucy, but I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this letter, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other. Regards, Ricky
EDITOR'S NOTE: Ricky was rushed to the hospital Thursday, May 4th. He was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Golf Driver rammed up his rectum with only two inches of grip showing. His wife Lucy was arrested, but after the jury read this letter, they accepted her defense that he accidentally sat on it. She was released from custody on Friday.
Here's some nostalgia.
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Keep Smiling,
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